The lessons of fatherhood

This story is simple; how to not listen to those who know – for no other reason then not wanting to.

So my son have played DDO on and off for years – mostly off being F2P and therefore have very little content to pick from. Sure, he added a pack or two now and then but not to the extent he could play from 1 to 20 without massive repeat of F2P content and the few packs he owned. So he played sporadically. Meanwhile his girlfriend, also into DDO plays now and then with the same issue; F2P.

My son finally gets a job and decides to go VIP for 10 bucks a month and as a nice gesture he offers to pay for his girl friend. He ask me about sorc; I tell him specifically about playing a caster. Now we’ve had discussions about stuff before and I’ve tried to instill him some basics, but it’s my son and as all good kids he doesn’t listen.

I’ve also offered him to join our guild – being a level 78 guild we have all the essential stuff – really important if you want to run things on Elite. Especially the different resists. But again his girlfriend have a small guild and it’s special to her. Not that he was invited into it on his sorc. I told him that he could be part of our guild and invite her onto our ship so both of them could get the buffs and she could still keep and build her guild. But no dice.

So suddenly he said that he doesn’t want to play his sorc anymore so I ask. Turns out it ‘dies all the time’ (note that they’re doing things on elite, have no resists other than whatever the sorc can add at level 5 (10 resist for 5 minutes). I gave him tons of money (half he must’ve given to his girlfriend) so he should have any problem buying wands as backup and such.

I check out his sorc to see what’s the problem.

1. No fortification item. I’ve told him how important that was, so I make him one – moderate fort. No concentration item and no lore. No conjuration or no evocation focus. And no web. He said he tried it but it didn’t work so he removed it (doing elite quests with +1 in Charisma item, no fort, no rests other then spell, no focus item basically spells doom).

2. He’s using his SP to heal his girlfriend who created a warforged barbarian instead of a fleshie (like Horc). And since the hireling cleric isn’t healing that good he’s wasting all his SP healing her, instead of buying tons of wands and wand heal her instead.

So I set him up with conjuration and evocation. Mod fort, concentration item. +3 Con and +3 Charisma item and a acid lore together with corrosion and combustion item. And I gave him a membership to our guild so he could get the good buffs.

But as a good teenager he doesn’t want too. True to nature it’s more important for him to be part of his girlfriends guild and he’s going to make something else.

So what I’ve learned is this; when he asks me again what to do I’ll tell him to figure it out. Because if he’s not going to learn the basics of what I’ve told him (like running stuff on hard instead of elite, get fort item, concentrate of a few good spells and specially in some. Tell your girlfriend to get on a fleshie barb instead until she knows how to run one and TR into a warforged later) then there’s no point for me to waste time giving him the basics.

Let him figure things out instead. You can sometimes lead people to the water but you can’t make them drink. If they want to make it exponentially harder for themselves and fail and get discouraged and give up then they will. If they want to be smart and play smart then I can help them out.

Meanwhile my wife is benefitting from the fact that I know most quest inside and out and that I have several toons that makes her life easier. It’s harder when I play my arti since arti’s are behind the power curve in 20+ quests. But it’s much easier when I play my fighter or Sorc since they make her life easier.

I had hopes that I could run with my son and his girlfriend but I have a feeling that they won’t. They might not even get to 20 (which you can do today playing everything on normal so easily) because he’ll keep redoing his character over and over without realizing that the fundamental reasons he’s failing is that he’s doing things on elite without the equipment and skill to do it.


5 thoughts on “The lessons of fatherhood

  1. Samiusbot

    I feel for you. Something that my guild did when we had the stones of jump to 16, was a leveling/training day. Maybe you and your click could arrange something like that and all power up to a given level together over a few days. Like level 12 or so.

    Take on a buffer/spot healer role and let the kids mostly do the quests but when things start to go down hill take the lead and show them what works.

  2. patang01

    Samius,I’ve run with him before showing him the ropes. And he asked me about starting up a sorc and I told him.

    The root cause is that instead of him creating it for himself, he created it for his girlfriend. So he’s not having fun.

    I also told him that I could join with my low level healer and run with them but he didn’t want to.

    But whatever. It’s for him to learn just as I did and I think me as a father seems to be like the father guy trying to decide for him rather then viewing me as the guy who knows the game. And that’s the catch 22.

  3. Micki

    🙂 Oh this feels so familiar. No, I don’t have kids, but I used to be one, and my sister is much younger than me. Also, I actually myself tend to protest when I get too much advice.

    You can offer advice and try to help, but your kid will only learn what he wants to learn. If he ever gets a passion for trying to build strong toons, you could direct him to wiki and the forums, and let him ask the questions he wants to. Teenagers want to get out of the shadow of their parents, and he might very well listen more to e.g. the people on the forums. 🙂

    Good luck.


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